It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
