WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
