Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
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There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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