I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
the liver wants what the liver wants
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
