i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
