i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
