Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
