I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
