The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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