My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
