there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
are you so shy because you have an std?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
