we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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