dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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