Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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