i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
