I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize