If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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