Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
