I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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