Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
