no, he came in my armpit
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
