I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
