Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
