I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We need to get me chipped asap
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
