Where is the hickey?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
love makes seman taste better
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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