I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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