The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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