Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
