the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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