I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
