We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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