bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
