can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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