while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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