He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
