Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
