Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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