he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
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Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
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Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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