u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
