I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
