jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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