He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
