Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
