Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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