Barsexuality is the new black.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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