I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
