I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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