Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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