come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
