is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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