remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
