hotel room ftw
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
