Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
