she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
