Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
