I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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