I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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