He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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