is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
