I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
