guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
