Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
