I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
