I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
