Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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