Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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