I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
