I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
