Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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