maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
