How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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