hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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