once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
