pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
